My birthday is August 31, so it could either be the world's best birthday present (a BABY!) or the world's worst (tearing! pain! pooping on the delivery table!). You know...two sides of the same coin.
Right now, this is the only proof we have:
However, thanks to slacking for the last year, I look about 4 months pregnant already. Sad. Only now it technically IS a real baby bump, since there's one in there....somewhere. So what if it's the size of a sesame seed? A sesame seed takes up room, right? RIGHT?
Though we won't make the big announcement for another 7 weeks or so, I did have to tell one of our friends at her New Year's Eve party. Declining drinks and leaving the room conveniently during the traditional passing of the Jello-O shot only works so well. Finally, after she actually physically put a drink in my hand and stood with me waiting for me to drink it, I had to tell her that I CAN'T have it. And it was such a relief to have someone celebrate with me, finally! It'll be nice to have her to turn to during the next few weeks, since she just had a baby six months ago. Frankly, it's shocking no one noticed that my vodka cranberry drinks were minus the vodka, especially since after my fourth one someone pulled my UNOPENED bottle of vodka from the freezer and asked if they could open it. Luckily I think everone was pretty tipsy by then, so I managed to squeak by undetected. As far as I know, anyway.
So how I'm going to manage the next 7 weeks - much less the next 7 MONTHS - I have no idea. I'm already dying to start buying onsies and cribs and maternity clothes. However, this may be more a sign of my overall shopping addiction than anything else. My credit card is going to hate this baby.
-- L
*LMP = Last menstrual period. But that's, you know, ewwwww, so I prefer the acronym. I know that I'll be talking about it...and worse...a lot more in the next 9 months, but I'm just not there yet.
Lara. Quite a special tribute you have shared with the world. I admire you greatly as I would not be this strong. After a miscarriage, I was devastated and kept saying to Joe that my baby maker was broken. I hated my body. I am terrifed every day still and it is hard still to stay positive without fear. I don't know how to anyone can deal well with this happening... but I will come to Omaha and celebrate Caleb's birthday with you in April next year if you want. If you at that time wouldn't want to remember, I will stay silent. But at a moment's notice, I'm on a plane if you want.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to tell you one thing is for sure. Your story has told me to not worry anymore....to stop wondering and focusing on what could be ... and to enjoy every single moment, because you never know... and even 20 minutes of a perfect life is a life, and Caleb will always be in my heart and memories.
You will always be a wonderful mother of Caleb Anthony Hanlon. On May 9th this year, I will send my thoughts to you on Mother's Day...
Thank you for being you, being sad, being hopeful, being "normal", and being true. Nothing is fair in this.... and I wish only that you find a peaceful place to be in between the difficult loss and the wonderful memory ... when you are ready.