I had to defend my blog today from someone who said it's unhealthy - reminding me of my loss and forcing me to focus on it, rather than allowing me to begin moving on.
Know that this is not the case at all. I have very normal hours and even days. I don't think about it constantly. I have laughed, I've enjoyed many things, I have been happy.
I come here when I am already sad, to let my feelings out.
So no, it's not unhealthy. Quite the opposite.
(And can I just say? It's been less than two weeks. You're saying I should already be moving on and not sad anymore??)
Wow. I can't imagine someone coming on your blog and telling you that. Some people are just plain mean and stupid. Of course this is healthy. Keep blogging! It's good for the soul. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are writing this blog! It is probably good for you and it is probably good for other people to read it - maybe they have gone through similar stuff and it's always helpful to hear how someone else is doing. You are allowed to do whatever you need to do to deal with this! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
ReplyDeleteWow. I don't know who said that to you, but I am very angry with them! Haha. All of the research that's been done on grief says that any kind of journaling/blogging is extremely helpful. You HAVE to focus on it to some extent. I'm glad you defended yourself. For goodness sake,its been less than two weeks since Caleb was born, of COURSE you're focusing on it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard thing to talk about and a hard thing to share with other people. I honestly believe that talking/writing about it forces you to work through your grief... to act like it never happened and not "focus" on it would be the worst thing you could do! Not that people who DONT blog after a loss don't heal well... but you know what i mean!
I think you are doing so well :)
I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to defend your blog! This is YOUR blog, and you can write about whatever you want! If they don't like it, then they shouldn't read it. That's just my opinion though =)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry someone said that. You are grieving. You have every right to. You don't need to defend your blog. This is how you will get through and let your emotions out. I think you are such a strong person. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI agree you have every right to be sad and you should not have to defend yourself to anyone. Writing helps get the emotions out and is a good thing. Your a very strong person for being able to write about it. Some people don't express their feelings of loss and sadness and keep it all inside, until one day the explode. What a jerkface! (yea I stole your word)
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of crazy that you write this, because I read the "new normal" post and thought--wow, Lara should stop dwelling in this way. There was something about that post...that gave it this everlasting sadness feel. It was almost like you were saying, "I'm NEVER going to be better, I'm accepting that I am going to be sad forever". Then I was trying to think of "new normal" things that are good and have come from Caleb's birth as well. I won't list them.
ReplyDeleteThen I thought about it and thought...I talk to Lara, she is trying to be herself, she isn't horribly depressed all the time. When she's sad--she writes and she writes it here. It's just hard for us on the outside when we read the blog, we just end up imagining this horribly sad-all-the-time Lara who cries non-stop and never gets out of bed. That's obviously not the case. Of course. I know better, but even then I had to remind myself. However one of the things I remind myself of is that, "It's not even been two weeks!" ---just like you said. So yeaah, agreed. It's BS you had to defend your blog fo sho. Even if you decided to be sad forever Lara, this IS the place to lament. Geez.
Keep on writing, babes. I adore you.
You stay strong! There is NOTHING wrong with blogging. As one of my baby loss mommy friends told me after we lost Ella Grace, it doesn't ever get easier, but it does get bearable. So, no, you are NOT dwelling..you are DEALING! If blogging helps BLOG...if screaming and cussing helps...SCREAM AND CUSS! Give yourself permission to feel however you feel and tell everyone else to mind their own business! :)
ReplyDelete[[[hugs]]]
Just a stab in the dark here, but I'm going to guess that whoever told you your blog is unhealthy has not lost an infant. And even if they have, who are they to judge?
ReplyDeleteMy blog is the best therapy ever. I just wrote a "happy' post because I am afraid of the same thing - that people will think I'm always sad.
Why do I care? I don't know...but my blog is definitely my "outlet" for when I'm feeling down...and I refuse to feel bad about that.
You shouldn't either.
That is completely insane for someone to say that to you. If writing helps you let it out, by all means LET IT OUT! WRiting helps me to sort things out and let go of them.
ReplyDeleteAnd what kind of idiot thinks that you should be moving on after a little over a week? A completely insensitive nutjob, that's who!
Wow, I can't believe someone would say that, especially so soon after you lost Caleb. Forget them! My blog has been such a huge help to me. I don't think it's unhealthy at all.
ReplyDeleteOk first of all I would love to say something hateful to the person that told you this is unhealthy. What is so unhealthy about it? Therapists tell you to write in a diary. This is the same thing, only others get to read it which can be even more helpful. I'm glad you can write and share your feelings. Others will learn and be helped by your thoughts. And why shouldn't you think about your son? I think about my daughter constantly. Just because Caleb is no longer with us in a physical sense doesn't make him any less your son. Think about him, love him. THAT is what is healthy and right. I'm sorry Chris doesn't feel the same pain you do. I don't think most men do, they didn't carry that precious being inside of them all this time. They didn't get to feel them growing inside of them. Be patient with him too. He's grieving, just in a different way. He didn't know Caleb the way you did. No one knew Caleb the way you did. That's something special you can carry with you. Lara, I pray for you every night, for God to give you the strength to carry on. I know you are strong. Any woman who loses a child is strong. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.
ReplyDeleteumm, this is one of the most healthy ways of getting out your frustration and anger and sadness! At two weeks after my 18 week loss, I was still in bed in PJ's every day. You're doing very well, my lady, and from what I know of you on MCPL on the Bump, you have a huge heart and always kind words to say. Take care of yourself, and grieve the way YOU need to. Don't worry about what anyone else says.
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