Today at the store I overheard two girls talking about prom. Of the many things that have been stolen from me and others who have lost babies - particularly their first babies (that's a post for another day) - one I hadn't realized until today is how the letters P-R-O-M have changed for me. No longer do they conjure up thoughts of satin dresses (using far too little fabric now..have you seen what they're wearing? Kids these days! [bangs walking stick on porch] Get off my lawn!) (Um, and also, why do all of the women modeling the prom dresses appear to be thirty?).
Anyway.
P.R.O.M. No longer does it mean satin dresses, worrying about who will ask you, a badly decorated gym, sneaking in vodka, post-prom parties at the bowling alley, trying to remove 300 bobby pins from your rock-solid hair...
No. Now the very first thing I think of when I see those letters next to each other is dead baby. Premature rupture of the membranes. Granted, PROM doesn't mean dead baby for everyone - some people rupture even earlier than I did and somehow hold out, some people rupture past a time when the baby can survive - but for me and for too many other women, it does.
Just another "new normal" in my life full of new normals.
Whenever you think of PROM and what it means to you, it might be a good time for an affirmation. Make up a new meaning for the acronym...like Pull Right Out of Muck
ReplyDeleteheh, just a silly suggestion
Love you
Oh yeah, and at what point did PROM ever include sneaking vodka? We were good girls... ;o)
ReplyDeleteSome days don't you just hate the new normal? I am having one of those days! Hope your day looks up!
ReplyDeleteAh the new normal. The new normal that nobody really understands except those who have gone through it and those who care for those who've gone through it. Atleast you have us, who do understand.
ReplyDeleteHello--I stumbled across your blog on the Preemie board of the The Bump. I'm not a poster there, but I read that board a lot.
ReplyDeleteI just read through your entire blog and started crying. So much of your story is similar to mine and reading your words--it feels like what my heart and head have been through.
My water broke at 21 weeks and I delivered twins at 23 weeks (Nov. 12). My little boy, Noah, survived for only a few minutes (it was his sack that broke early) and his sister, Iris, is still in the hospital today.
I am so so sorry that you've had to experience this pain. And while there is some measure of comfort in knowing I'm not alone; I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Thinking of you...