9 weeks

Good job, little one...you've settled down. No scary stuff this week, so THANK YOU! That pony is on order and will be delivered in about 12 years. Keep it up and I'll throw in a monkey too! (Only because I've always wanted a pet monkey.)

Please stop!

I am so effing* scared. All I can do is keep repeating "Please, God, please let the baby be okay" over and over. I just want this spotting to STOP. STOP STOP STOP.

*I had been trying not to cuss on this, on the off chance that I'll share this with you when you're old, litle bean, but yes...your mother cusses. Quite a lot.

8 weeks and counting!

Ok, beaner, I've about had it with your antics. I was (am) so, so, so excited to reach the 8 week milestone...and you have to temper it with spotting? Really? Baby, I don't even know you yet, but you're being kind of a jerk to your mama. Are you just preparing me for when you're a toddler and you are falling down stairs and being so contrary? Because it worked...I'm ready! Now how about smooth sailing the last 32 weeks? Please? Pretty please? I promise lenience when I catch you sneaking out at 18! A pony when you're 12. A cell phone* at 8. Ice cream every day for dessert! Just BE GOOD!

I love you, little dude or dudette. Just keep growing, all right? Do we have a deal?

* Or whatever new technology your generation is into. A teleporter device, perhaps.

Baby, this is your first warning!

Don't SCARE me like that!

Last night, I had some really sharp, stabbing pains in my lower left side yesterday. I was a little worried, but thanks to the online forums I posted in, my fears were assuaged. I finally got a hold of a midwife, and she said it was very likely absolutely nothing to be scared of, but that since I hadn't had a scan yet to 100% rule out early ectopic or anything else, that she'd like me to go to the ER for an ultrasound. Even then, I was still not too worried. Chris couldn't get off work, so I had my mama go with me. :)

Anyway, so I did all the preliminary stuff (blood pressure, blood drawn, etc) and then the doctor came in to give me a pelvic exam. During the exam he found the source of the pain (when he pressed, it was tender) but couldn't link it to anything specific. Afterward, he told me that he saw some blood up around my cervix and said he was going to be blunt - that wasn't good and that's not normal (which is contrary to some of the things I've read, but I'm sure he was trying to prepare me for the worst). The pain alone could mean nothing, and the blood alone probably upped the chances of a miscarriage by another 20% or so, but the pain with the blood probably put it closer to the 50% range.

So I still had my ultrasound left to do. After waiting what seemed FOREVER I finally got wheeled down to the ultrasound room, where the tech was super nice. She started with a belly ultrasound (I don't know the scientific name for them?) and I was actually kind of terrified, because all I saw was a big black hole. I thought I saw a second bean-looking thing inside it a couple times, but never was sure - and she never said anything like "That's your embryo!" Because it was so early in the pregnancy, she said she was also going to do an internal. With that one, she was able to point out the little bean, and....I saw the heartbeat. It was the biggest relief of my life, and I'm so glad my mom was there to see it for the first time!

When it came time to be discharged, the doctor said my bloodwork looked good and that everything was right where it should be for how far along I was (confirmed to be 6w5d, which is awesome because I was thinking I was around 7w but could have been as early as 5w). He said he's not sure what caused the pain, but not to worry too much about the blood unless I start bleeding fairly heavily. So of course at that point I felt stupid for going in, but he reassured me that with early pregnancy it's far better to be safe than sorry and he would have advised anyone to do the same - plus, the midwife took the decision out of my hands when she asked me to come in. So yay! Everything looks good and DOUBLE YAY! I got to see the little munchkin!

Good thing I was so happy when I got home, since the well-meaning but dense Chris said, "That's good! I knew you were overreacting." Darling, let me apologize for the boot that is about to be kicked up your ass. I think he was trying to make me feel better in a "I knew it was going to be okay" way, but failed miserably.

So here's the best thing I've ever seen in my life:

Seven Weeks!

Ugh. Little peanut, sweet pea, embryo, whatever...you are really starting to make your presence known. I don't know if I'd call this morning sickness per se, but you are definitely making me feel OFF. Weird tastes in my mouth, a kind of three-hour-old-hangover feeling, constant thirstiness followed by constant peeing, lightheadedness here and there....all supposedly normal. Also, I feel like I haven't slept in six months. SO TIRED. All daily reminders that I have an alien being growing inside me, who has already multiplied in size by 20,000 since they day it was created. That's like....dude, that's like supernatural. If that happened to you outside my body you'd be a total freak.

Seven weeks today! I HOPE. I am keeping my fingers crossed SO HARD that I'm not going to get to the doctor's office and have them tell me I'm two and a half weeks behind where I thought I was. I would cry. This is already taking forever without having to go back in time two weeks!

I get these weekly pregnancy updates from a few different websites, and they're all over the place. One says we're on week seven, as I'd expect. Another says week eight, because once you hit seven weeks you're in your eighth week. Another says six weeks, because I suspect they can't count.

God I hope you're seven weeks. Or further! I'd love to get to my first appointment and have them say, "Lara! Surprise! You should be having this baby in the next 48 hours!" Man, that'd be awesome.

--L

Insert post title here.

I truly don't know how anyone handles this anticipation for nine months forty weeks TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY DAYS. Thank god four of those weeks - a full 28 days! - have usually gone by before you even know you're knocked up. Two hundred fifty two days seems so much more manageable than two hundred eighty. And I can knock another two weeks off that since I've already somehow survived to six weeks, so only two hundred thirty eight remain! I'm just trying to make myself feel better. That still seems to be an insurmountable amount of time to pass. I suppose I can console myself with the fact that, despite what I feel like, I'm not actually an Asian elephant, who gestates for 645 days. On the other hand, elephants are so forgetful that perhaps the waiting game is nothing to her, since she regularly forgets that she's pregnant, a feat which I have yet to accomplish.

In a way, it's probably a good thing I have to keep this quiet* for another six weeks...it's all I can think about, and the few people who DO know are probably already desperately looking for a sock or rag to shove into my mouth to shut me up.

*Blabbing to clients notwithstanding

--L

Six weeks! Woot woot!

The first big milestone is here! Today we're I'm six weeks pregnant. Way to go, little embryo!

I've been freaking myself out verily with online message boards, about which I can only say one thing: Stay. The. Eff. AWAY. Yes, pregnancy and childbirth is a miracle, blah blah blah, but on some of those boards, you'd think it was a miracle tantamount to the parting of the Red Sea, rather than a miracle that is performed by millions of woman (and the occasional man) each year. I realize that miscarriage is a very real possibility, but wow. On those boards you'd truly think that mankind was destined for extinction. Case in point: I asked a question, and one person replied, "Well, I had a blighted ovum at six weeks and another time I went in for my ultrasound at 12 weeks and there was no heartbeat. So enjoy your pregnancy."

Um.

Thanks?

No, really - I get that it might happen. But as someone else so perfectly put it, "No matter how you look at it, YOU HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF HAVING A HEALTHY PREGNANCY THAN MISCARRYING."

Duh! I had convinced myself that something going wrong was the norm and that I - nor anyone! - would ever be able to have a baby. But obviously that's not the case.

But regardless, the chance of anything happening does go down a bit at the six week mark, more at the 8 week mark, and becomes virtually nil at 12 weeks. So hitting six weeks was a huge relief, though I won't be full relieved, like....ever. Did you know at the end of this there's an actual tiny helpless PERSON that I am responsible for keeping alive for a minimum of eighteen years?? Yeah. It's true. Tell me again what I was thinking??

--L

I need to keep my big trap shut!

I accidentally blabbed the news to a client today...WHOOPS. It's someone I work with enough to call a friend, but definitely not someone in that exclusive "tell before the safe point" club.

Her: Oh, I got a bunch of wine for Christmas. I'm not sure what that says people think about me....
Me: Me too! I got like four bottles!
Her: It's a good Christmas present, though.
Me: It would be, if I could drink it.
Her: ............
Her: Wait, what??? Are you?? Oh my gosh!

Yeah. Whoops. I have a feeling the next seven weeks are going to be full of moments like this.

--L

Just found out!

On December 29, we found out we are pregnant! Based on my LMP*, our estimated due date is September 1. (Ok, does anyone else feel stupid saying "we" and "our"? I mean, it's a nice thought, but really I'm the one who is knocked up, right?)

My birthday is August 31, so it could either be the world's best birthday present (a BABY!) or the world's worst (tearing! pain! pooping on the delivery table!). You know...two sides of the same coin.

Right now, this is the only proof we have:


However, thanks to slacking for the last year, I look about 4 months pregnant already. Sad. Only now it technically IS a real baby bump, since there's one in there....somewhere. So what if it's the size of a sesame seed? A sesame seed takes up room, right? RIGHT?

Though we won't make the big announcement for another 7 weeks or so, I did have to tell one of our friends at her New Year's Eve party. Declining drinks and leaving the room conveniently during the traditional passing of the Jello-O shot only works so well. Finally, after she actually physically put a drink in my hand and stood with me waiting for me to drink it, I had to tell her that I CAN'T have it. And it was such a relief to have someone celebrate with me, finally! It'll be nice to have her to turn to during the next few weeks, since she just had a baby six months ago. Frankly, it's shocking no one noticed that my vodka cranberry drinks were minus the vodka, especially since after my fourth one someone pulled my UNOPENED bottle of vodka from the freezer and asked if they could open it. Luckily I think everone was pretty tipsy by then, so I managed to squeak by undetected. As far as I know, anyway.

So how I'm going to manage the next 7 weeks - much less the next 7 MONTHS - I have no idea. I'm already dying to start buying onsies and cribs and maternity clothes. However, this may be more a sign of my overall shopping addiction than anything else. My credit card is going to hate this baby.

-- L


*LMP = Last menstrual period. But that's, you know, ewwwww, so I prefer the acronym. I know that I'll be talking about it...and worse...a lot more in the next 9 months, but I'm just not there yet.