Monday, May 10, 2010

Daily grind

Today I returned to work after having been gone since my water broke on April 7. Since it was such an unexpected leave of absence, I didn't get to de-pregnant my office before I left. So today I came back to:

A calendar on the wall still turned to April, with huge circles around the 20th, when I would have been 20 weeks (halfway!!) and when the gender ultrasound was originally scheduled. Also marked: this Friday the 14th, when I would have been 24 weeks and reached V-Day. June 2nd, when I would have been in the 3rd trimester. And obviously September 3, my due date.

A container of almonds on my desk, which I was snacking on to give my baby DHA and those all-important Omega 3s. I wanted a smart baby! [Little did I know that I should have just wanted a live baby.]

An ultrasound picture taped to my computer.

Two bags of Belly Bars on my bookshelf.

A drawer full of Easter candy that I'd purchased before I left.

A piece of paper taped to the wall where I'd calculated how many weeks I'd be each Friday.

A stack of Post-It notes I'd used to make a countdown of how long we had until we found out if our baby was a boy or girl.

A list of things that I had to do before I quit or went part time, as was the plan for when after the baby was born.

Coming here, it was like I'm still pregnant. I spent an hour cleaning out my office. Putting each thing in the trash or scribbling out each notation on the calendar was like a knife in my heart. You stab are twist no rub salt longer repeat pregnant.


  1. I'm so sorry. That must have been really hard. If I worked with you, I would have boxed all of those things up for you and bought you a new calendar. HUGS

  2. I am so sorry you had to go through that! Going back to work is hard enough, let alone to come back to all of that. I hope the days coming will be better.

  3. I'm sorry =( I didn't have as much stuff as you but when I had to do that around my house, it definitely ripped my heart each time.

  4. I'm so sorry you had an upsetting first day back! I hope today was much better for you now that the reminders are gone.

    To answer your question, She's at Resurrection Catholic Cemetary on about 78th and Center. We're not Catholic but my family is, and we wanted her to be buried next to the plot that my grandma bought for herself because we don't have any other family buried in the area.

    Where is Caleb? Or did you guys have him cremated? I'm not sure if I've ever read about that or not.

    Hope you're doing okay today :)

  5. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it is an easier day for you tomorrow. ((HUGS))