Thursday, August 5, 2010

People are Good.

That friend, "Sally"?

She amazed me today. I'd posted a link to "Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope" on Facebook and forgotten that my story on there linked back to this blog. I'd never meant for her to see anything that I posted - this was my place to vent about things that might be misunderstood by outsiders.

But she saw it.

She saw everything.

And she wrote me a beautiful, sincere apology. I was visiting my grandma in the hospital (recovering from hernia surgery) so I couldn't call, but I immediately texted her to let her know I got it and how much her words meant to me. We had an open, emotional exchange and I felt so much better afterward. I hope she did too.

Looking back at what I wrote now that we've talked, I'm ashamed. I considered deleting it all. But you know what? It was honest and raw, and what I was feeling. I'm sure it hurt her to read it; it hurt me to write it and to experience it. Of course, I never meant for it to be painful for her - just a catharsis for me - but in the end, I'm glad for both of us. It healed a wound and closed the book on a chapter that was extremely difficult for me. And okay, the wound probably isn't completely scabbed over and the book isn't closed all the way, but the process has begun. When we were talking I got excited to see her baby belly and meet her little man in a few months. I know it will never be easy - she's living the life I should be living, that I WANT to be living more than anything - but I'm still looking forward to it. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. And I am. I think. Right?


  1. Oh wow! I got really nervous when I read the first lines of this post - I thought you were going to say that she got upset with you! That's so wonderful that she was so caring and understanding about what you wrote - lots of people would have gone the other direction! I also agree with you about not deleting the previous posts. I love how you are always so candid about your feelings in your writing.

    Have a great night :)

  2. I struggle with both of these things as well. Who to share my blog with? I love sharing it with other BLM's because I know you'll understand my feelings no matter how crazy they might seem to even me at times. Would my family and friends understand or would it be too difficult for them to see what I'm REALLY going through? I also have several very close friends and sister-in-laws (yes, multiple) that are pregnant and I try very very hard to not let this situation be awkward for them. Part of me truly IS happy for them, but right now it's just so painful and everytime I see them I still think how I should STILL be pregnant. So I am happy, but not, you know?

  3. Well good for you guys that she was SO mature about it. Was it just that she honestly had no idea how bad she was hurting you? Anywhoo, I'm really glad that all that nasty is out in the open, and you're healing just that much more. <3

  4. Sometimes it takes a little raw honesty to open the "book". I am thankful that you have a true friend who can look past words that might hurt her and see the underlying hurt you are going through. I had to have one of those talks with my BFF and things have been so much better.

  5. Oh man, I can only imagine the sinking, "Oh crap" feeling when you discovered she saw it! Reminds me of when I wrote in my math notebook how much I hated our math teacher and then turned in said notebook for a notebook check! Anyway, I am glad that everyone turned out okay. Maybe she was meant to see if so you could get over your (justified) feelings of resentment and she could be more aware of what is happening around her. She sounds nice and I am glad you 2 can move on! HUGS! <3

  6. I think I'm liking Sally a lot more now. It's so hard to watch others get exactly what you want, so I'm glad Sally understood that your words came from hurt rather than malice.

    Hope you're feeling better and thanks for your kind words on my blog.