Friday, June 11, 2010

Don't you hate when you can't think of a title?

I had a minor freak out last night. I've actually been really good for a while*, so I am allowing myself that freak out without getting too mad about it. I went to a movie with a friend, and she took her adorable baby son. She nursed him during the movie and his little kicking legs and those sweet snuffling sounds babies make while nursing just totally got to me. I WANT ONE. I want one SO BAD. I can't even explain it, but you other DBMs or couples suffering from infertility, you know what I mean. The want and desire for a baby took my breath away. Even if we got pregnant right away when we are cleared to start trying again (hopefully in July or August), it would mean I wouldn't have a baby until May...and in May, I should have had an 8 month old. Thoughts like that are so frustrating! I mean, if I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did, we could easily still be trying and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Right? But I did and I was and but but but. Those "buts" will be the death of me!

*The last time I got upset was over Memorial Day weekend. A couple weeks after we lost Caleb, a mutual friend [we'll call her Jane] let me know that another friend of ours [we'll call her Sally] was pregnant, because Jane didn't want me to be blindsided when Sally made her announcement. Sally decided to spill the beans at a party they were having. I had a feeling they were going to do that, so I skipped the party. Not only for my benefit, but because I didn't want the excitement or joy anyone at the party felt over the news to be tempered by my presence. Soon after I saw that congratulations started to arrive at Sally's Facebook page (dude, Facebook is seriously the devil for a DBM). I was a little irritated that Sally had never taken the time to tell me in person, but assumed Jane had told Sally that I knew [follow that??]. A few days later I saw Jane and asked her if she told Sally about telling me, and she said no, she hadn't. Not only that, but Jane specifically advised Sally that she should make sure to tell me before telling everyone else, and no matter how she did it - whether it was email, phone, taking me out to lunch - it didn't matter as long as she TOLD me. However, Sally didn't. She left me to find out (as far as she knew) on Facebook. And that's just.....that's just cold. I was hurt and offended and a little shocked. Initially I had written it off as Sally just not knowing what to do, but to be told to let me know and still not do it? That's just insensitive. I've refrained from writing Sally a note to tell her how horrible it made me feel, because I'd have to out Jane in the process, but I want to. I've written her notes in my head, though...sent with a flaming bag of dog poop.

**Whoops. My postscript is longer than my actual post. Apparently I had things I needed to get off my chest. Ahem.


  1. Yeah, that is kind of cold. I'm DREADING the next friend I found out who's pregnant. My current friend has a 4 month old, and recently told me that she is considering going back on birth control pretty soon, but then also said "but we're not using anything right now". Now, I know she's breastfeeding and hopefully this means she won't get pregnant...but seriously if she ends up having kid number 2 before I get ONE take home baby, I might just snap.
    That said I'm sure Sally didn't mean to hurt you in anyway. If I were in that situation, being the pregnant friend of a DBM...I'm not sure how I would react. Do you say something? Not say something? Perhaps she thought you finding out via facebook would be easier. You'd be home, able to scream and cry if you wanted and not feel like you'd have to choke out a congratulations. Or...she could just be a cold hearted bitch for all I know. ;-)

  2. Did you have a follow-up appointment yesterday? Any news? I promise not to have any more babies or get pregnant ever again. Just for you ;o)

  3. I know exactly how you feel when you want one so badly!!! And the waiting... it sucks.
    I'm glad you got a lot of your chest!!

  4. I have a friend who knew about our losses (well, she doesn't know about #4 b/c we're not really friends anymore). Her husband told my husband when she got pregnant, so I called her to dispel the awkwardness. That makes me the nicest person ever, right? Except that since then, she has avoided me like the plague. Then when I emailed her about it....crickets. Yep. Those people suck.